H.O.P.E

Hi everyone:)

So tonight I'm going to talk about a topic which tends to not be spoken about because it's embarrassing.

I tell everyone I have a digestive disorder because to be honest 18 years later the doctors still can't diagnose what is precisely wrong with my tummy they just know that my digestive system and bowel do not function normally. They think it is IBS but so far they can't rule out IBD without further investigations.

Out of all my illnesses this is by far my most disabling. At the moment I'm going through a flare up. Every day is a struggle. I can't remember a single day I have woken up in my entire life without feeling sick or sore due to my tummy.

Everyday I swallow so many tablets morning noon and night. I take strong painkillers and sometimes have to take antisickness pills to keep the pain relief down. If it gets so severe I end up in a&e on a drip.

An IBS flare up is so severe that some women compare it to childbirth. Not all but some. Whenever I have one I can't breathe, I can't move and sweat beads roll off my face. I have sat screaming for six hours straight before from the sheer agony I am in. I sit in one position so long as I can't move a muscle that I get nerve pains in my legs. It gets so severe that most times I throw up just from the pain.

Any time a doctor sees me they send me to a&e incase it is my appendix but it never has been so far.

 This is a very lonely and scary illness. The idea of getting out of bed with extreme fatigue is unfathomable. The idea of leaving a bathroom is unthinkable.

I have had every blood test, ultrasound, tubes, endoscopies, barium swallows and x rays that I can have.

This is a topic that needs more support and awareness! Chronic illness is so lonely and debilitating but I refuse to give up and I will continue to raise awareness!

Never give up no matter how lonely or how much pain you are in, you are loved!

E x :)