I am who I am, whoever I am.

My name is Erin.


I am who I am, whoever I am.


I am girl, a girl who lives and breathes and loves and laughs. A girl with dreams, a girl with memories. I am capable of sharing and growing in relationships and through faith. Through finding myself I am a detective. A detective inspecting the person behind the story. I am more than you think. I am me. I have carried labels, I am not my labels. I am a student, a learner, I believe I will always be a student of life, but this does not class me as a constant nerd. I spend time and effort and interest in my clothing, style, make up, hair, shoes, nails, skin and smile, however this does not allow men to view me as an object, I am more than my image, I work at my image but attention is not my intended destination, self respect, mutual respect, and artistic fascination is my intended masterpiece. I have internal joy, oh sometimes it can be so locked away, like a piece of gold buried under fossils in the deepest ocean, I can be blinded by the darkness yet blinded by the light but I have joy as I walk by faith and not by sight and this knights me with the opportunity to feel the sentiment of joy. I am young, but how can society say I am inexperienced, as the book title quotes don't judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins? How can my elders say I do not understand the depths of love, the fear of earthly pressures, the weight of mortal burdens? How can they know I have not yet experienced internal contentment and fully thankful friendships. I am a musician but why must I be judged and asked about my grades and level of success? I can create sound and tunes of tones and pitches, I can serenade my enemy if only I had one. I can sing, oh how I am a singer, I express my feelings and most indescribable thoughts through the gift of manipulating vocal chords, power, strength and tunes written by nostalgic artists. Does this mean I can sing and please the ears of many judges, no I cannot, I do not match the standards of societies never ending bar of acceptance, but oh how I can sing through the definition and personal desire. I blog, I blog in contemporary lingo, I blog in ancient poetic language. Why must I be classed a vintage blogger? A modern day typist? Why must I fit in to a group or a single definition, because the truth is I must not. I can create my own group because all they are, are collections of sinners with similar interests or hipster differences, trying to prove themselves worthy, we can create as many groups as we like but why must others join? Why not be individual in an original manner? Why must groups have leaders and followers, yes it adds purpose and keeps the calm as people understand their roles, but why when we are all born equal can we not freely say how we feel and what we need? Why must the shop keepers staff request to know my every move, my reasons for not being in full time education or working a job that I should be in to prove I am a respectful adolescent, why must I give excuses when panicked under pressure, when really my business is that of my own that I should share when I feel it appropriate and necessary, maybe even unnecessary but through my decisions I express this, my personal opinion and approach. My understanding and purpose, my experience and my hopeful aspirations, I am who I am, whoever I am I am yet to find, I cannot know the extent of my capabilities until these activities and/or events are laid out in front of me and I grasp them with both hands in a moment of rebellion or pure desire or inquest. I may not conform and abide to societies demands and wishes because my maker and leader is not in my sight, but in my soul, I may not be someone you wish to encounter, or grow close to. I am human, I am not my illnesses or difficulties. I am not extraordinary or different to any of you in one way yet couldn't be more different in another. I am a human, with love and purpose, with inquisition and disappointment, with faith and hope, who carries failures and winnings, who has experienced heart break and love in its many forms, I have so much to learn yet have experienced more than many infants, I need company and friendships, people to care, and the opportunity to care, I feel lonely and supported, wishful and cheeky, I have many negatives and many positives, I am who I am, whoever I am. Do not mistake me for how I look, do not judge me on my experiences. Do not feel pity for me or my journey, for everyone has their journeys and everyone will learn along the way. Life is full of learning events which must be lived to be understood. I am unique yet uniformed in many ways. I have potential and purpose, I have shame and worry, I feel pain and my blood is red, my skin is pale and my eyes are tinted by my ancestors genes. I am in a time of confusion, a time of realising who I am, I am not recovered and I am not who I was, I feel as though I stand on no man's land with no cover, protection or barbed wire for defence. I am alone in my battle, however my battle is my own and I am travelling through this world, this is one stage in which I learn. I am on the road to finding myself, but is the destination the real truth or is the journey my real self? Do not think too great of me, do not doubt my ways too much, for I am who I am, whoever I am.


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